I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize