Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
