i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
