help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
