he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize