Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
