Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
