It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
false alarm, still single
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