you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
