Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
