She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
