Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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