wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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