I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
