Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
