Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
