Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
