So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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