so that wasnt chicken after all
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
