He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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