I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
