I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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