I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize