What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
