Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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