We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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