i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
