Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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