Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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