I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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