wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
