Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
