the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize