As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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