For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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