3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
