Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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