Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
