Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
tell me about the eggs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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