Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize