oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
