just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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