they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
