He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
