Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
