I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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