I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
