"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
