I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
