My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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