90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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