hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
