Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
