I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
