accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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