there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
