What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
