you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
