All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
