dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
