I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
