Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
