good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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