U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
