I think im going to throw up on grandma
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
