She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
