Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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