maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
