just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have aggressive nipples.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize