jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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