Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
