5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dick has a subreddit
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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