The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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