Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
