and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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