we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
