I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My feet surprised me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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