I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
