But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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