I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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