I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
